The pressure to appear to have the perfect life, digitally documented, liked, shared, filtered and enhanced is immense. Blemishes airbrushed away. Situations posed for their best angle. Wide smiles. Re-taking, re-touching, comparing, judging...
It's exhausting just typing this stuff!
And yet, being human is messy, contradictory, complicated, tough, flawed... a blend of beautiful imperfection.
We often get it wrong - particularly in times of stress.
And that's ok.
There is also a misconception that therapists have their own lives in order, harmoniously gliding along, with everything neatly packaged.
Recognising and working through some of my own 'messiness', makes me a better therapist. It dissipates any perceived power difference in the therapy room. It builds authentic connection between two human beings. It enables a client to trust me - building a professional closeness, which is incredibly special, and something which I hold respectfully.
Being curious, tentatively exploring, validating and embracing our flaws, within the safety of a therapeutic relationship can be very freeing. Observing that lightness emerging in a client, a subtle relaxation in their posture or less tension in their facial muscles, is a genuine privilege.
Brené Brown captures how the constant striving for success, for flawlessness, masks more vulnerable elements of ourselves; things we prefer to stow away in the deepest vaults - “The belief that if we live perfect, look perfect, and act perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame. It’s a shield.”- 'The Gifts of Imperfection'.
It may offer a temporary veneer over the messy 'stuff', but when it becomes worn and chipped over time, the 'stuff' will leak out, and maybe catch us out.
For those of you reading this that know me well, you will be aware of how I like to use visual metaphors, and often offer clients visual ways of understanding particular concepts or ideas. This post came about from my partner cooking us a Sunday roast, and he found this delightful carrot in the 'Wonky' veg bag. Two inseparable carrots entwined in their sculptural pose. Their gnarled surface textures and twisted forms, beautifully bound together. Their beautiful connection, and flaws proudly on show.
To contrast, I found a 'perfect carrot' (AI generated) - I'll let you decide, which one you feel more of a connection with.
